5.05.2010

INTERVIEW WITH The REJECTIONIST.



"The Rejectionist is a cranky, underpaid, whiskey-swilling, snack-deprived assistant to a Very Important New York Literary Agent. Don't "UNICORN & RAINBOWS!"*** with the assistant."

yes. she will blow your mind.

you can find her HERE.

Le R is the kind of person who doesn't need an introduction. 

but i will introduce her anyway.
she took the literary blogging world by storm with her unique voice, ridiculously wonderful insight into the literary world, and her unapologetic perspective on life. she's loved by many, feared by more, and envied by most. she's an effortless combination of brilliant and awesome, hilarious and grounded, and an absolute genius with the written word. i am not ashamed to admit that i devour her blog like it's nobody's business. i look forward to her posts every day, and i'm never disappointed EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE TIME SHE TOOK A BREAK HOW DARE SHE GO ON VACATION ahem. also i love her.
so if you're not eating fancy cheese at The Rejectionist's party, you seriously need to FOLLOW HER BLOG LIKE WHOA. 
like yesterday. 

i'm not even kidding a little bit.


without further ado,

HERE IS THE INTERVIEW! 
WATCH CLOSELY AS SHE MANEUVERS HER WAY AROUND MY MOST RIDICULOUS QUESTIONS!! (see!) (i told you!) (AHMAZING!!)

ahem.


1. when did you start blogging, and WHY?


July of last year, and to meet babes. IT'S TOTALLY WORKING.


2. tell us a little about "Steve". does "Steve" know that you blog about him? if yes, what does he think? if no, what do you think he would say?


"Steve" is hands-down one of the greatest, smartest, and most professional agents working in the industry. We are very, very lucky to be laboring under the auspices of such a splendid person, who does not even raise an eyebrow when we come into the office in faux-python leggings. We have no idea if "Steve" knows that we blog about anything at all, but prefer to think that he does not. What would he say? Um, "you're fired," probably.


3. how do you take your eggs?


We make our Support Team poach them for us.


4. what's your favorite part of the blogging experience?


We have grown inordinately fond of the Author-friends, and would like to take this opportunity to thank them for their continued support and wish them success in all their endeavors. No, really! We're not an asshole ALL the time! Just mostly!


5. TELL THE TRUTH! how did you come to be so awesome? (are you secretly the protagonist in a paranormal romance who came into her "Awesome" powers? is "Steve" your Dumbledore? Does your Support Team sparkle like Edward Cullen?)


We have a direct line to Sauron.


6. how do you like your coffee?


Black. Or macchiatos if we are feeling festive NOT THE KIND YOU GET AT STARBUCKS JESUS GOD. An ACTUAL macchiato.


7. what's your favorite article of clothing? (BONUS: who is your favorite designer?? *COUGHnotthatifollowthesethingsCOUGH*)


That we own? Our Neil Diamond concert shirt. That we would like to own?
These. Or this. Alexander McQueen for clothes we like to look at and Ann Demeulemeester or Rick Owens for clothes we would actually wear.

8. if you could have any superhero power EVER, which would you choose? why?


Laser beams shooting from our eyeballs, with which to smite our enemies. Also they would work over the internet.


9. jumpsuits or leotards? why or why not?


Leotards immediately make us think of those really gross American Apparel billboards. We have been experiencing inexplicable cravings for the perfect jumpsuit lately, perhaps Tahereh Mafi was HAVING A PSYCHIC MOMENT.


10. when you wake up in the morning, you're thinking:

A. I LOVE MY LIFE (& mostly Tahereh cause she's so cool) & I CAN'T WAIT TO ATTACK THEM QUERIES!
B. WHERE IS MY LATTE WHO ARE YOU AND WHY AREN'T YOU HOLDING MY LATTE??
C. HELLO WORLD! I EAT HOPES AND DREAMS FOR BREAKFAST!
D. uh, i don't know. [insert your own option HERE.]
D.: TODAY WILL BE THE DAY THE UNIVERSE GIVES US OUR TRUST FUND HUZZAH. Although we do love our life a lot, even considering how many things we find displeasing. The Rejectionist doesn't drink lattes.

11. use the words PTERODACTYL, ESOPHAGUS, ARROWHEAD & LAPTOP in the same sentence. MAKE IT MEANINGFUL.


You goddamn kids think you're so goddamn clever.


12. one thing you think the blogosphere should absolutely know about you?


WE'RE EVEN MEANER THAN WE LOOK


13. your favorite food in the world other than smelly cheese?


BOURBON***


14. COMPLETE THIS SENTENCE: sometimes i feel __________________ because ___________________.


OMG THE REJECTIONIST NEEDS A SNACK


15. should my readers direct query letters to your home address or should they just call your cell and leave an astronomically long voicemail?


Send cash.


16. worst line from a query, ever?


If by "worst" you mean "most amazing": "14 stories 7 are XXX sexy.One outstanding lesbian love story of 10 pages called Giggles"***


17. one piece of advice you'd offer every aspiring author?


SACK UP.***


18. one rejection you'll never forget?


We just watched the X Files episode where it is revealed that Cancer Man is a would-be novelist who turns to evil machination because his secret dream of being a bestselling writer is continually crushed by heartless rejection, and it made us quite despondent.


19. COMPLETE THIS SENTENCE: my mother is embarrassed to be seen in public with me because ________________________.


Our mom is pretty cool about being in public with us now that we wear a bra and gave away our "'UNICORN & RAINBOWS!'*** Your Capitalist War" t-shirt.


20. closing thoughts? anything you want to say?


There is no easy way from the earth to the stars.


BONUS: on a scale of 1-10 (10 being highest) HOW EXCITED ARE YOU TO MEET TAHEREH & @TANAGANDHI THIS SUNDAY??


We will quote here our French cousin, who once remarked, when we asked him how to say we were excited about something: "It is always naughty in French to say 'excited,' because in France we are not excited about anything, unless it is for sex."***


***OMG MY MOTHER READS THIS BLOG.
---


BESTIES!!!

is she not fantastic in her insouciance?!

ALSO SHE HAS VOLUNTEERED HER LOVELY LOVELY TALENTS AS A PROFESSIONAL QUERY REJECTIONIST FOR MY LITTLE CONTEST!!


yes, besties, Le R is going to provide a QUERY CRITIQUE to one lucky winner!!


STAY TUNED FOR DETAILS VERY SOON!! 

(she may or may not also autograph my napkin this weekend.)

!!!!!


41 comments:

Bethany Elizabeth said...

I give! *now following The Rejectionist*
You've convinced me. :)
By the by, the French do NOT only get excited for sex. They get excited for sex, food, wine, and protest marches. (I know this because I live there...here... France. :P)
Hi, Tahera's mom!

Claire Dawn said...

Oh, yes, the French and their protests. Bethany, lucky you!

I love Le R. Tahereh, you're so lucky to be meeting her!

Theresa Milstein said...

I love how your "hardest questions" were deflected in the most awesome way. Example:

"use the words PTERODACTYL, ESOPHAGUS, ARROWHEAD & LAPTOP in the same sentence. MAKE IT MEANINGFUL.

You goddamn kids think you're so goddamn clever."

After this post, I'm looking even more forward to my trip to Paris in June.

Chanelley said...

LOL - I loved that.

Piedmont Writer said...

I don't know how you do it T. You've got some mojo flava working somewhere. I heard Le R doesn't talk to anyone, so how did you get behind her fortress. Way to go, great interview. You rock as ususal!!!

Bish Denham said...

Far out! What a great interview.

Jen said...

Kicka** interview!!!! I think I might have to follow the rejectionist now!

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Okay, that was like the best interview. Ever. I'm seriously taking notes. ;)

Hannah said...

I now know whose acquaintance I must needs make. I could definitely use a direct line to Sauron and I think the Rejectionist could help me with that. I believe the use of the majestic plural just shows the utter class of the amazing interviewee.

And again, Tahereh, you have shown you're unparalleled ability to make a person laugh so hard that their coworkers start staring at them (me). :-) a very incredible interview, I say

Ink said...

Now you know what to wear to the meeting! Those boots! And then Le R. will love you for always. Or, possibly, mug you. One or the other. Anonymity has its nefarious advantages.

Christi Goddard said...

Le R is amazing. I'm thrilled for you that you got on her good side. I hear it's hard to do. :-)

Candyland said...

Love the question dodging!!! Sounds like my kinda secret superstar.

The Rejectionist said...

Our mom wants your mom to know she did not raise us to have that kind of mouth, and our mom would like to maybe weep a little bit on your mom's shoulder sometime soon.

Ink, those boots are like two thousand dollars.

Jaydee Morgan said...

Woo hoo - what a great and fun interview!

Mia said...

Yay! *waves banner* That was incredible!!

Ink said...

One cannot skimp on boots. Appropriate footwear is important. And everyone has two mortgages these days.

E.J. Wesley said...

"We have a direct line to Sauron."

Sweet 8 lbs, 10 oz baby Jesus that was funny! Milk and coffee shooting out the nose is neither pleasant, nor attractive, btw.

Great interview! Now following Angry Agent Helper.

Erica Chapman said...

Awesome interview on both ends. Very cool. I've been following since last year; love the blog ;o)

Janet Johnson said...

I had to laugh at the French comment. True, true, true! The word innately implies it. Love it. Great interview!

Jacqueline said...

I just can’t get enough of the immeasurable amount of awesomenimity your blog exudes. I can’t laugh out loud because I just started this new job 8 days ago and it’s way too early to show my real self around here, specially my addictions. You rock!

Sugar said...

That was totally awesome! I have been a follower of le r for a while, and totally love her!
Love you too doll!!

Mayowa said...

Great interview! She's a trip all right.

Simon C. Larter said...

I <3 The Rejectionist just a little bit. She's so cool, I want to keep her in a bottle on my bookshelf. And not in a creepy way.*

Also, I'm still miffed at you for not inviting me along for brunch this weekend. I'll probably get over it. If you *had* invited me, I'd totally be excited right now. Not in the French sense of the word, though. That'd be a bit ooky.

*I'm lying about the bottle on the bookshelf thing. There's no non-creepy way to keep a person in a bottle on your bookshelf. That I'm aware of.

Laura Marcella said...

When the Rejectionist achieves that super power (there's no doubt she will), she'll share with us, right??? I promise no one will smite her over the internet! Just each other to win her favor, of course.

I hope you get your autographed napkin this weekend, Tahereh!!!

Sierra Godfrey said...

Oh, I say.

I do love you both.

Note to Simon Larter above, who is my EVIL NEMESIS: I planned Tahereh's lunch with Le R just so you woudln't get invited. Just a wee service performed by nemeses.

Talli Roland said...

Amazing!


Great interview. I think the Rejectionist needs to rule the literary world.

Kate Hart said...

Jesus. The genius. I would hate you both if I didn't already have such horrible crushes. So instead I'll just gaze at you longingly from afar.

Shelley Sly said...

Haha! Great interview! The Rejectionist was one of the very first writing blogs I've ever read. Good stuff!

Marsha Sigman said...

Vous et la réjectionniste...vous me complète.

I rock even in French.

And uhhh that is supposed to say you and the rejectionist complete me, so if it doesn't it is not my fault.

This was an awesome interview!

E. Elle said...

Fabulously fun! Thank you for sharing this interview. I needed a bit of cheering up -- which you do for me in spades.

Jemi Fraser said...

I love Le R's blog - she's total awesomeness - great interview!!! :)

Ann Marie Wraight said...

As I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING even remotely amusing to say today - I thought I would at least SHOW OFF by putting those BIG words in a sentence:

As Le R was e-mailing SIMON LARTER yet another rejection on her designer LAPTOP, the ESOPHAGUS of the hanging PTERODACTYL was split in two as a stoneage ARROWHEAD fell from the second floor of the Natural History Museum....(aimed at Le R by aforementioned embittered SIME...)

SORRY it's lame but it's 3.20 am here. YAWN!

Simon C. Larter said...

This is the sound of me being speechless again:

"..."

:)

maine character said...

I would shoot an ARROWHEAD through the ESOPHAGUS of a PTERODACTYL to get hold of your LAPTOP and find out where this lunch is being held. I would then show up with Rick Owens and we'd send you both bourbon and you'd join us for more. And yes, I would MAKE IT MEANINGFUL.

But really, great interview on both ends of the UNICORN. I mean RAINBOW. GAH.

Glynis said...

Great interview, such fun!

Ann Marie Wraight said...

YAWN!

Just woke up.

SIME - U R ADORE-ABUBBLE....HEY - I'm a kiddies writer.

maine character - now THAT WASN'T lame!!! He he!

erinjade said...

"you goddamn kids think you're so goddamn clever" - LMFAO !!!!!

also, i <3 Le R for slamming starbucks and those nasty aa billboards.

i'm in love and will now add rejectionist to my blogroll.

thanks for this interview!

Lisa Gail Green said...

OMG!!! This was hysterical! It actually made my headache feel better. I almost want to enter the query contest just for fun now, but I'm also afraid AND I wouldn't want my agent to think I'm cheating. :) MY GOD I LOVE THOSE ANSWERS.

Tahereh said...

AHEM.
MAINE CHARACTER:
YOU WIN THE PRIZE OF THE EARTH. which is something quite amazing, i'm sure.

also, ANN MARIE YOU ARE INCREDIBLE.

Heather Kelly said...

Okay--most people know that I am secretly stalking Le R, to the point where WIBIJ has secretly played through at her blog two weeks in a row when we were testing out the concept. And this is exactly why:

"There is no easy way from the earth to the stars."

Inside that adamantium shell, she has a gooey center.

Now I just have to SACK UP and start commenting on her blog so my stalking is out in the open.

And, who thinks that Ann Marie NEEDS TO START A BLOG???!!!!

Sorry, I'm so late to the party. It's been a BUSY WEEK!

Slushpile Slut said...

Hysterical!!I am now a follower of Le R thanks to you! I know. I know. I'm a little behind the times... Looking forward to the contest!

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