11.28.2010

THE 11 STAGES OF EDITING A NOVEL

CONFIDENCE. 

This manuscript is better than sliced bread. It's better than your mom's breaded chicken. It's better than that one time in Disneyland except this time no one is getting arrested.
BRING IT ON, BETAS. YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS.

RELUCTANCE.


WELL! YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T READ THIS MANUSCRIPT AT ALL BECAUSE IF YOU DID YOU WOULDN'T BE SO CONFUSED AND YOU'D GET WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE STORY AND YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND ALL THE REFERENCES TO DRACO MALFOY FANFICTION AND OF COURSE THAT SCENE WITH THE SNOW LEOPARD NEEDS TO STAY IN THE STORY WHEN IT'S SO FREAKING CRITICAL TO THE PLOT WHY DOES NO ONE UNDERSTAND MY GENIUSSSSSSSSSSSSS

ACCEPTANCE.


Maybe you were right about everything.

DILIGENCE.


OH GOD THESE EDITS ARE AMAZING I'M GOING TO POLISH THIS MANUSCRIPT UNTIL IT SHINES BRIGHTER THAN YOUR UNCLE JOHNNY'S BALD SPOT. HOLY CRAP. THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST. MANUSCRIPT. EVER.

INCOMPETENCE.


I LIED. I can't do this. I'm obviously the world's WORST WRITER EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WRITTEN WORD OH DEAR GOD I'M GOING TO VOMIT EVERYWHERE NOW I'LL NEVER GET TO MEET OPRAH AND WHAT WILL BECOME OF ME THEN? WHAT WILL BECOME OF ME THEN?!

PERSEVERANCE.


THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, MISS SNARK! BY GOD! I WILL MAKE YOU AND KILLER YAPP PROUD!

INDULGENCE.


fifteen pumpkin pies and twenty-six bars of chocolate should keep me on track.

REASSURANCE.


you, emailing friend:
I CAN'T DO THIS I REALLY CAN'T DO THIS I'M GOING TO DIE AND PROBABLY VOMIT A LOT AND HHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

friend, emailing you:
STOP BEING NEUROTIC YOU LITTLE FRUITBAT

RESURGENCE.


HOW DID I NOT KNOW I WAS CAPABLE OF SO MUCH AWESOME? THAT WAS THE BEST DANGLING PARTICIPLE I'VE EVER CRAFTED IN MY LIFE

DOMINANCE.


OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I'M REALLY GOING TO DO THIS OH MY GOD

EXCELLENCE.


that's right. i AM a BAMF. Manuscript? You have just been PWNED.


11.22.2010

I HAVE A BIG HEAD AND LITTLE ARMS

i can watch this scene ten million times and it only ever gets funnier.

hee hee.


happy tuesday, my friends!!

<333

11.16.2010

CURRENTLY SLEEPING


11.15.2010

NO JUDGMENT

source
FOUR MORE DAYS.

p.s. are you going??

11.11.2010

10 REASONS IT WOULD RULE TO DATE DUMBLEDORE

1. FREE STUFF. I mean, obvs, Dumbledore can create couches out of thin air. I'm sure he could bake you a cake and build you a Maserati with the flick of his wand. Just don't accept any of his rings. You never know where they might've been.

2. NEVER RUN OUT OF LEMON DROPS.
Dumbledore ALWAYS has candy. The good kind, too. I don't think this even needs explanation.

3. MAP OF THE LONDON UNDERGROUND.
If you're ever in the London Underground and need a map? NOT TO WORRY! Dumbledore says he has a scar above his left knee in the shape of a map of the London Underground. Just go with it.

4. LEARN TO SPEAK MERMISH.
Because Dumbledore speaks Mermish. And you've always wanted to talk to a mermaid. So. You're welcome.

5. BORROW HIS ROBES.
Dumbledore is such a nice guy he'll probably let you borrow his clothes. You might even be able to steal his hat. He has the best hats. So stylish with his sweeping robes and half-moon spectacles! I'm pretty sure someone should put him on the cover of GQ.

6. VOLDEMORT WOULD TOTES BE AFRAID OF YOU.
It worked out really well for Harry, anyway.

7. HANG OUT WITH FAWKES.
Who DOESN'T want to hang out with a phoenix whose TEARS CAN CURE YOUR BASILISK VENOM SCARS? No one, that's who.

8. COOL BY ASSOCIATION.
Watch out world you are pwning your peers just by standing next to the man. HELLOOOO PAGE FIVE SOCIETY AND STATUS CORNELIUS FUDGE WILL BE SO JEALOUS

9. THE PUT-OUTER.
The Deluminator. The lighter that unlights the world. WHO EVEN THINKS OF THIS STUFF MAYBE HE'LL LET YOU BORROW IT SOMETIME. OH SNAPS, actually, I'm pretty sure he gave that to Ron. Sorry.

10. LIVE FOREVER.
Let's not forget that Dumbledore is besties with NICOLAS FLAMEL, inventor of the SORCERER'S STONE and the ELIXIR OF LIFE! I'm pretty sure he can pull some strings and get you a sip or two. OH WAIT THEY DESTROYED THAT THING IN THE FIRST BOOK DIDNT THEYYYYYYYYYYYY

ah well. at least you'll have enough lemon drops to last you a lifetime.


hehe. happy friday, my friends!!

WHY IS IT NOT NOVEMBER 19TH ALREADY



11.09.2010

7 THINGS YOUR CHARACTERS DO TOO MUCH

SIGH.
characters LOVE TO SIGH. everyone is sighing ALL THE TIME! "dreamily, happily, painfully, unconsciously, forcefully, desolately, adjectively," she said, sighing regretfully.

GLANCE
.
we are so good at glancing! we glance at everything, especially when we're really focusing on something! but when we're really focusing on something we'll glance really hard which would be perfectly okay except that glancing really hard isn't really glancing at all. is it?

BLINK
.
because it's so much better than staring at things.

STARE
.
because it's so much better than looking at things.

LOOK
.
because it's the same thing as having eyes that happen to be open. CUT US SOME SLACK THIS WRITING BUSINESS IS DIFFICULT

GROWL. 

i've seen a lot of Love Interests growling lately. i wonder if their mouths are hungry?

HISS
.
OY, HARRY! THE BASILISK IS COMING! THE BASILISK IS COMING!!


------
what can you add to this list, my friends? what other things are overused in fiction??

p.s. congrats to BRIAN RUSSELL (Ink)!! you have won ANY BOOK OF YOUR CHOOSING! please email me at thmafi at gmail dot com to discuss the deets!!

p.p.s. thanks for all the birthday wishes yesterday! a very happy belated (and upcoming!) birthday to all of YOU, as well!! :D :D

11.03.2010

A POEM OF NOVELS

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